Salesman in Chief: The author of the guest Op-Ed in today's Washington Post warned of disastrous consequences if Congress does not pass the Stimulus. Only his first and last names were given in the by-line. At the article's conclusion, his job is referenced. Quote: "The writer... is president of the United States." Our fifth story tonight: "If nothing is done," the part-President part writer opines, "Our nation will sink deeper into a crisis that, at some point, we may not be able to reverse."
Heart of the GOP: At this grave time... two wars unwon... the global economy undone... the governor of Alaska, now the winking face of the Republican Party -- has assessed the challenges America faces and has begun the daunting task of confronting... Ashley Judd. Our fourth story today, we'd happily escort Sarah Palin into obscurity, but Republicans keep telling us, she is the party. Have it your way.
ODDBALL: The great race and a guy with no pants up a tree.
The Flight 1549 Tapes: With Captain Chesley Sullenberger virtually silent since he placed U-S Airways Flight 1549 onto the Hudson River with barely a splash on January 15th. The definition of an "interview" with the Captain has been utterly re-defined: a 26-second address to the people of his hometown... 35 words on an evening newscast tonight... two sentences transcribed by a sports columnist. Thus did it dawn on me that I quote "interviewed" Captain Sullenberger right before the Super Bowl last Sunday. The entirety of that quote "interview" will be presented here in a moment, and it is in fact, much less than I'm making it out to be. Our third story, however, is no exaggeration: Today, the FAA released the tape of the conversation between Captain Sullenberger and Air Traffic Control... moments before his plane landed in the Hudson River.
WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD: Bill-O the clown, Pete Sessions and Bernard Goldberg vie for tonight's top honors.