Citizen Inane: Contrary to the popular idiom: Some things do not have to be seen to be believed. I have never personally witnessed nuclear fission -- yet I believe in its capacity for power and or destruction. I have never personally met Irahnian president Ahmedeenijad -- yet I believe he exists. Nor have I ever met Senator Richard Shelby... who -- in our fifth story on the Countdown -- has perpetuated the treasonous, unsubstantiated rumor that President Obama is not a citizen of the United States. On what grounds? Because the Alabama Republican says he has never seen his birth certificate. To be perfectly clear:
Four More Years: Two days into office, President Barrock Obama signed an executive order to shut down Guantanamo Bay, where the US is holding 245 people... of dubious guilt, in dubious conditions. Our fourth story tonight, on Friday night, in a brief statement filed by Mr. Obama's Justice Department... the news that he will continue to deny legal rights to the 600 detainees the US is holding at Bagram, Afghanistan. Just like Mr. Bush did.
ODDBALL: Tour of California and White Turf Racing.
Post-Racial: Surprisingly enough, a non-apology apology in which those who "may have been offended" are portrayed as opportunists with axes to grind, does not make the offense go away. In fact, as the New York Post, and its owner News Corp, and its owner Rupert Murdoch are learning... it makes it worse. In our third story on the Countdown, the outrage over the Post's Obama-Dead Chimp cartoon goes national. The chairman of the NAACP will join us presently.
WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD: Fred Barnes, Chris Wallace and Mitch McConnell vie for tonight's top honors.
Winning Words: If last night had been the 2003 Oscars... Dustin Lance Black and Bill Maher and Sean Penn probably would've spent the day being raked over the coals by the yapping toadies of a media-government complex that was beginning to institutionalize the demonizing of dissent and difference. But in our number one story: screw the yapping toadies -- they lost -- and free speech, won.