Ditto Heads: In the parable of the Scorpion and the Frog, it is only after much pleeding -- and a promise from the Scorpion that he will not sting the Frog -- that the amphibian finally consents to carry his poisonous cargo across a river. The Scorpion, as every child learns, stings the Frog anyway, saying, as they both sink, "it is my nature." Conservative Columnist Jonah Goldberg briefly citing the tale today in his defense of Boss Limbaugh and his open desire for President Obama to fail. Quote: "The Scorpion must sting the Frog." Our fifth story on the Countdown: Mr. Goldberg and the Republicans evidently could not be bothered to read through all 489 words of the parable. The lesson is: the Scorpion and the Frog both die.
Earmark of the Beast: We told you yesterday of the Republican Party's phoney-baloney righteous outrage over Mr. Obama's budget for the next fiscal year, the 12 months starting in October. Tonight, in our fourth story on the Countdown, the party of fiscal conservatism, now in a lather about the bill, called the Omnibus spending bill... to fund the government from this Friday, up until October. Why? Because the bill contains earmarks, which are, as we know, the work of Satan. Are the earmarks wasteful? Well, wait til you hear who put them in the bill. No, the real problem is that mean old President Obama promised to end earmarks forever! And when that promise broke, it did so, so loudly...It even woke-up Senator John McCain.
ODDBALL: Cat in a tree and a doggie runs in his sleep.
Bush's Blank Check: After releasing Bush-era legal memos which had attempted to provide cover if President Bush had wanted to use the military to run raids in this country... or pull people off the street without warrants... or suppress free speech or the media... Sources at the Justice Department today said: prepare yourself -- there are more of those memos on the way... and right soon. And in our third story on the Countdown, the new information dovetails perfectly with -- and may lend critical mass to -- tomorrow's senate hearing on creating an independent truth commission... on Bush's counter-terrorism policies.
WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD: Bill-O, Newt Gingrich, Manatee and Lou Holtz vie for tonight's top honors.
Every Rose Has its Thorn: I feel like Charles Van Doren during the Quiz Show Scandal. Yes, it's true: Reality Television Is Scripted! And literally several viewers didn't know that. Thus did this nation awake in unified pain and anger... For the first time, people ranging from Ellen DeGeneres to Elisabeth Hasselbeck, banded together in their collective grief. Our number one story...a nation outraged...by the season finale of "The Bachelor".