Running on Empty: In a campaign whose race for the super-delegates is reportedly, secretly, over...In a campaign -- the subtext of which -- has been complaint and even metaphorical martyrdom...They are words that would have sent supporters of Senator Clinton into a paroxysm of rage. That the nation needed a president quote "that has testicular fortitude." Our fifth story on the Countdown: that there is no rage and that there are no death threats tonight, explicable thusly: the gonadial reference was made by a labor leader, as he endorsed Senator Clinton, intending it as a compliment to her fortitude.

Wright Left: In case there was any question-- and, yes, there was-- whether the Obama campaign is moving on from the Reverend Wright, following Senator Obama's definitive renunciation yesterday... the senator's wife provided an answer today. That answer, our fourth story tonight... "next question, please!"

ODDBALL: Hair news, and a tv guest drinks bug water.

Walmart: Always Low  For three days running -- Wal-Mart made it into our nightly list of Worst Persons in the World. Until finally -- on April 1st -- that company announced it was dropping its claim to the money its health care plan paid to Wal-Mart employee Deborah Shank after she was left permanently brain-damaged in a horrific truck accident. Tonight -- in our third story on the Countdown -- it appears Wal-mart has snatched evil from the jaws of goodness. Wal-Mart... is dragging its corporate feet. Debbie Shank's husband - Jim - who took on two jobs to help pay for her ongoing healthcare and who was even forced to divorce her just so she could get a little more money from Medicaid - will join us presently. First - a reminder of just what happened to the Shank Family.

Worsties...see below.

WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD:  CBS reporter Jay Gormley, John McCain and Bill-O vie for tonight's top honors. 

The Littlest Idol:  We're back to this again. Stories my producers are forcing me to cover -- our number one tonight -- the latest, cringe-worthy, You-Tube-able, Paula Abdul meltdown. You and I can claim we don't care. But it's like the late great comic Bill Hicks used to admit about his inability to stop watching the t-v show "Cops"... "I'm like a guy with a sore tooth I can't stop touching with my tongue."

In our third story on the Countdown tonight, we heard from Jim Shank. 

His wife, Deborah, was grievously injured in a tractor-trailer crash in 2000, leaving her brain damaged and in need of 24 hour care.  When Jim managed to win his wife a settlement from the tractor-trailer company, her former employer, Walmart, successfully sued the Shanks for the lot, claiming that their healthcare plan mandated reimbursement if there was a settlement.

It was only after Countdown - and dozens of other national news outlets - expressed outrage at Walmart's treatment of the Shanks, that the company agreed to withdraw their claim.  That was back on April 1st.  Yet Deborah Shank's trust fund is still in the company's name.

Walmart says they are trying to protect her from a tax standpoint and that's why it's taking so long.  They say they hope to have the trust back in Deborah Shank's name soon.

If you are interested in helping the Shanks, Jim pointed us to this website, which sells merchandise to raise money for Mrs. Shank's ongoing health care. 

We covered this in our No.1 story tonight...and we are not above making our own stupid mistakes...but here is the Lincoln Douglas Debate Fox News Style.

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In The Line of Firings: If that was, as we postulated here yesterday, a second chance at a first impression... It was a second first impression where the adjectives and the analogies were delivered in car-load lots. Our fifth story on the Countdown: after Reverend Jeremiah Wright's nationally televised train-wreck yesterday... Obama, in his own words today... Said he was: outraged, saddened, angry, shocked, surprised, and disappointed... At the: inexcusable, divisive, destructive, ridiculous, outrageous, and appalling... Caricature, spectacle, exploitation, performance, and rants.

Secret Selection: Exactly 90 days now since former Senator John Edwards suspended his bid for the Democratic presidential nomination... And exactly seven days until the primary in Edwards' home state. And in our fourth story on the Countdown: and still he has endorsed no one. And just as importantly, neither has his popular and respected wife, Elizabeth.

ODDBALL: Lee Elia's F-ing tirade and flaming hockey.

Bushonomics: The Associated Press is the closest thing mainstream journalism has to a circulatory system... the news lifeblood for newspapers, radio, tv, and internet -- left and right. Today, the A-P headline for today's speech by Mr. Bush was, "Bush rhetoric on energy strays from the facts." So polite, the AP. In our third story tonight, we will grossly overuse the phrase "in fact" to address Mr. Bush's claims about the economy... claims that sought to blame Congress for it... on the eve of new government figures that may confirm the reality of... the Bush Recession.

Worsties...see below.
WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD: Sean Hannity,  former Under Secretary of Defense Paul Wolfowitz and Bill-O vie for tonight's top honors.

Lincoln/Douglas Fox News Style:  Legendary is the baseball announcer who upon being handed a bulletin about the death of Martin Luther King's assassin James Earl Ray, unthinkingly launched into a long, emotional farewell to the great actor James Earl Jones... Amazingly, we once went to put up a photo of Lunatic Fringe talk show host Neal Boortz and instead wound up showing, former Georgia Senator Max Cleeland. Our number one story on the Countdown: the other political round-up... Including how the Presidency would facially age the three candidates... And a missing pro-Obama pig-balloon... But beginning with a goof not unlike the aforementioned. The Lincoln-Douglas debates. Featuring "Link" from the Mod Squad versus Mike Douglas.

This weekend marked the final RTCA dinner for President Bush, and he was ready with some swell zingers and some hilarious highlights from Bush RTCA monologues past. Of course, there were a few jokes that didn't make the cut, so here are a few sidesplitters from the 2004 event that the President felt weren't funny enough to make his list of greatest hits.

(don't let the cruddy video quality distract you from the hilariousness)

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Wright Hook:  The idealized version of that event we all learned about in a social studies class, redolent of chalk dust, was about the issues, was about the character of the aspirants, was about the struggle to divine who would best serve the nation. It was not about the candidates' girlfriends, their marrying-into-money, the things they had said 30 years before, nor their spiritual guides. And the last one of those perfect American presidential elections was... in 1792. When George Washington ran unopposed and only six of the states even had popular votes. Our fifth story on the Countdown: the Reverend Jeremiah Wright is back, not by the hand of Clinton nor the hand of McCain, but by the hand of... Jeremiah Wright. And tonight, Senator Obama has a fateful and, perhaps, decisive decision, to make about him.

Target: Tar Heel State:  As we mentioned, the first anniversary of the first Democratic Presidential Debate... Was this past Saturday. Meaning as a television series, they have lasted longer -- by eight days -- than did Jackie Gleason's "The Honeymooners". Our fourth story on the Countdown: with the North Carolina and Indiana primaries now eight days off, as the polls open and close like a camera shutter... A proposal from Senator Clinton for a 22nd debate, no moderator, just the candidates head-to-head for 90 minutes. She says "just like they did it in the Lincoln-Douglas debate" even though that's not how they did it... And even though it feels like the first 2008 Democratic debate occurred well before the first Lincoln-Douglas debate.

ODDBALL: Rocket War is renewed and a guy that paints with his tongue.

McChange of Heart: Presidential candidate John McCain has now not once, but twice, crossed ethical guidelines laid down for presidential candidates by... John McCain. In our third story tonight, he's such a maverick, he not only doesn't play by other people's rules...He doesn't even play by his own rules.

Worsties...see below.

WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD:
 
Lame Duck Leftovers:  The correspondents at the annual White House Correspondents' dinner like to think, as the old bromide goes, that Washington is Hollywood for ugly people. Well, they're never uglier than at the Correspondents' dinner... And the parallel is less Hollywood or the Oscars, than today's regular Monday weekly luncheon at the Hawkeye Restaurant of the Kiwanis Club of Keokuk, Iowa. In our number one story on the Countdown: actually I should just apologize right now to the Kiwanis Club of Keokuk, Iowa. And the Hawkeye Restaurant.

The Clyburn Interview:  It has been Senator Clinton's strategy to make Senator Obama seem unelectable in the general election... Yet what if her plan were not just to create an illusion of unelectability... but to actually guarantee that he cannot win in November... all so that she might run again in four years? In our fifth story on the Countdown: internet speculation is one thing. Public suspicion... voiced to and now by a prominent Democratic politician and uncommitted Super Delegate... is something else all together. Congressman James Clyburn of South Carolina, the House Democratic Whip, telling Reuters, quote: "There are African Americans who have reached the decision that the Clintons know that she can't win this. But they're hell-bound to make it impossible for Obama to win" in November... a sentiment he repeated in another interview with the New York Times. Presently Congressman Clyburn, tells us more...

You Say Dubai, I say Hello: With Senator Obama's response to the Clyburn Interview taking exactly 34 seconds... And Senator Clinton's having not yet occurred, if ever it will... The actual news in the campaign came from DNC Chairman Howard Dean... via a British newspaper. Our fourth story on the Countdown: he says explicitly that nothing in Committee rules would prevent Super-Delegates from overturning the delegate, or popular vote... but he still doesn't expect to see it happen... unless the margins are extraordinarily close.

ODDBALL: The worlds greatest diet coke and mentos splash down, and an alligator raids the fridge.

McCain's Memory:  After seven years of a certain President's attempts to deny what's already out in the public domain - this friendly reminder to his would-be successor. If you say something anywhere within spitting distance of the media - it will be written down and recorded and taped and then archived and filed and preserved. Accessible to anyone who knows how to use "the google". Our third story on the Countdown -- Senator John McCain's latest memory loss.

Worsties...see below.

WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD: The Mighty Internets, Bill Hemmer, and Ercon Corporation vie for tonight's top honors.

I Predict a Riot:  After Rush Limbaugh dismissed U-S troops who oppose the Iraq War as being not "real soldiers"... it should come as no surprise that he places "id"eology over country... emphasis on "id." But in our number-one story tonight, the Republican Party's most popular spokesman has now joined the worst of America's enemies... admitting on air that he is working toward the "objective"-- his word -- of American bloodshed in an American city.

Tune in tonight to Countdown with Keith Olbermann at 8p ET for our interview with South Carolina Congressman James Clyburn. He made big waves today with his comments about race and the election in the New York Times...now Keith will talk to him one on one.   

from today's New York Times interview:

One of the nation's most influential African-American political leaders sharply criticized former President Bill Clinton on Thursday afternoon for what he called his "bizarre" conduct during the Democratic primary campaign.

The black leader, Representative James E. Clyburn, an undeclared superdelegate from South Carolina and the third-ranking Democrat in the House, said "black people are incensed over all of this," referring to statements Mr. Clinton has made in the course of the heated race between Senators Hillary Rodham Clinton and Barack Obama.

Black leaders widely criticized Mr. Clinton after he equated the eventual victory of Mr. Obama in the South Carolina primary in January to that of the Rev. Jesse Jackson in the 1988 primary, a parallel that many took as an effort to diminish Mr. Obama's success in the campaign.

In a radio interview in Philadelphia on Monday, Mr. Clinton defended his remarks and said the Obama campaign had "played the race card on me" by making an issue of them.

In an interview with The New York Times late Thursday, Mr. Clyburn said Mr. Clinton's conduct in this campaign had caused what might be an irreparable breach between Mr. Clinton and an African-American constituency that once revered him.

"When he was going through his impeachment problems, it was the black community that bellied up to the bar," Mr. Clyburn said. "I think black folks feel strongly that this is a strange way for President Clinton to show his appreciation."

Clock the Vote:  For Democrats more interested in the election than in the nomination... The distant sound of the bugle, echoing from the horizon. The cavalry is coming! Led by... Harry Reid. Our fifth story on the Countdown: asked by a reporter if he would be forced to weigh-in with undecided superdelegates... The Senate Majority Leader today replying: "I might have to." What is more... the Democratic Leader of the Senate adding that House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and DNC Chairman Howard Dean... might be willing to join him. And their contemplated bold action? A letter-writing campaign.

Death Denials: An awful cover-up at the Veterans Administration. Its mental health director insisting fewer than 800 military personnel attempted suicide last year. The same man, in private, in an e-mail even bearing the remarkable admonition "Shhhh," admitting the number of suicide attempts last year was not 800, but more like 12-thousand. Our fourth story on the Countdown: even as one of its hospitals closed its psychiatric ward after a fourth vet killed himself there... the V-A is still treating the crisis, with denial, or deception, or both.

ODDBALL: A mustache competition, a bunch of kitties singing together and Keith on Dave.

Au H20: When Barry Goldwater, Junior, and his roommate at school discussed someday writing a book about Barry, senior, the legendary Arizona senator and conservative icon... neither of them probably guessed that the roommate would go on to become an icon himself... the White House counsel who became a household name during Watergate... only to be "resigned" 35 years ago next week. In our third story tonight, that roommate, John Dean, and Barry Goldwater Junior, who grew up to become a member of Congress in his own right... have finally written that book... containing newly discovered journal entries... and correspondence of the late senator...

Worsties...see below

WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD: John McCain...Bill-O and Tony Zirkle vie for tonight's top honor.

Bitter Richard:  It was quickly reduced to -- and will forever be known as -- the bitter comments. Senator Barock Obama's perception of the frustration and anger of some small-town, working-class voters. Then a barely-noticed, seperate reference, to bitter voters, by Senator Clinton. But in our number one story on the Countdown, don't we all have a hell of a lot... about which to be to be bitter? Comedian Richard Lewis will join us presently to do bitter, one better.

Paul Rieckhoff, the Executive Director of Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America who joined us on Countdown tonight, has compiled a comprehensive website devoted to the new GI Bill.

Check it out here.

What's Changed?: And the Democrats will continue. Not only continue, but commemorate. Saturday -- this Saturday -- marks exactly one year... since the first... Democratic Presidential debate. Our fifth story on the Countdown: tonight neither primary nor debate... But debate over whether any of the claims of last night's winner... are of primary and not secondary importance.

Border Lines: First Senator Clinton claimed the new math... Now it's neo-Geography. Our fourth story on the Countdown: the post-Pennsylvania push includes a new critique of Obama, one which evidently nobody in the Clinton camp realized applied even more to their own candidate. The new Clinton line: Obama has won the three states that border his own home state of Illinois and have already voted -- Iowa, Wisconsin and Missouri. So it would be awfully telling if he actually lost the border state of Indiana. Senator Clinton meanwhile... has already lost not one -- but two of the states bordering her own state, New York, Vermont and Connecticut.

ODDBALL: A loch ness monster on the streets of Manhattan, a fan gets nailed with a baseball and another fan drops a baseball.

McCain Mutiny: Senator John McCain is imploring the North Carolina Republican Party not to run a political ad that, McCain says, distracts Republicans, degrades our civics and seeks to divide the American people. Our third story tonight, the state Republicans' response to McCain... you are... who again? I'm paraphrasing.

Worsties...see below.

WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD: John Ashcroft, John McCain and a distasteful pastor vie for tonight's top honors.

Retail Politics:  Perhaps it's the latest micro-demographic. Senator Hillary Clinton already has the "bitter, blue-collar, bowling, beer-drinking, female snipers over 65" all locked up. So Senator Barack Obama needs to absolutely positively nail down the "newly energized, college-educated, young-men"... who -- in our number one story on the Countdown -- dress alike... and maybe even... shop together?

It all ends tomorrow in PA...and there's been no shortage of references to the city of Brotherly Love's greatest pop-cultural icon Rocky Balboa (Sorry Philly Phanatic, Boyz to Men).  The two Senators have evoked the Italian Stallion several times...but it wasn't either of the campaigns that used the epic films as a backdrop for the campaign.  Behold "Baracky"

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The Clinton Interview:   This is Monday, April 21st. 197 Days until the 2008 Presidential Election. And, of course, weeks after voters last headed to the primary polls. The long interval... cloaking what happens tomorrow in Coatesville, in State College, in Scranton and other towns both big and small across Pennsylvania... with a feeling of finality. But in our fifth story on the Countdown: With the final MSNBC poll in that state showing that the Keystone State is Senator Clinton's to lose...  That which began in Iowa... most likely will not end in Pennsylvania. Senator Clinton, joining us presently. First, the latest details.

You Say Dubai, I say Hello:  She's ahead by just 5 points in the latest MSNBC McClatchy poll... And ahead anywhere from 3 to 10 percent in other polls... There are even some lesser-known polls showing him slightly ahead. Which is presumably why - in our fourth story on the Countdown - that Senator Clinton's campaign is still playing down expectations versus Senator Obama in Pennsylvania... Saying it's not about how close the results might be - but about who wins the keystone state. Even though when it comes to nationally pledged delegates and the popular vote - size **does** matter.

Both Sides, Mouth:  It may not matter that Senator John McCain has not had -- for seven weeks now -- any other Republican contender to debate. Pay attention, and it becomes all-too apparent that McCain does an excellent job of debating himself. In our third story on the Countdown, the Senator's mud-wrestling on the economy... and new flip-flopping about the endorsement of controversial Pastor John Hagee.

Worsties...see below.

WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD: Lorrie Lynch,  John C. Layfield  and Chris Wallace vie for tonight's top honors.

"Baracky":   You will recall that as tomorrow's Pennsylvania primary began to draw nigh, Senator Clinton compared herself to Sylvester Stallone's trademark non-Rambo character."I never quit," she said, "I never get up." Give... I never give up. In our number one story: onto the You-Tubes we go for what is evidently the Obama version of the same cultural reference, masterfully done, on both the political, and a computer-generated-graphics, levels. With a warm-up act that seems unlikely even with the clamoring for every single vote. Both the Democrats -- and Senator McCain -- have responded to the W-W-E Wrestling outfit's call that they settle the nomination in the ring... With videotaped clips, in which the only wrestling they do... is with some of the insider terminology.

On the eve of the primary election we've all been waiting for, tonight at 8pm ET Keith will host an interview with Senator Clinton on her lead the Democratic Pennsylvania Primary (First Read is calling it Hillary's Race to Lose)...and what happens after all the votes are counted in the Keystone state.  Obama over the weekend said "This is not going to be a blow-out race. We're looking for a win, and we think it's going to be close."  It's going to be an amazing next 48 hours...we hope you tune in.

Whine Tasting: And if you ever wanted to kick a pollster in the privates, tonight would be your greatest temptation... A temptation doubtless agreed upon by supporters of both Senators Clinton and Obama. Our fifth story on the Countdown: reliable polling suggests Thursday's debate enabled Senator Clinton to almost completely erase Senator Obama's national leed. Unfortunately, equally reliable polling suggests Obama has pulled away by Clinton to open up a nearly-20 point lead... and that Democrats answered the questions the same way after the debate as they did before it.

McCash: Barack Obama released his family's tax returns and had to take kidding that your books will make a lot of money if you run for president. Hillary Clinton released her family's tax returns and had to take something much sharper than kidding that she and her husband made 109 million over a decade and were calling somebody else "elitist." But in our fourth story tonight: John McCain released only his tax returns...Not those of his wife -- believed to be worth nine figures... But he did release their joint charitable donations. Including ones that wind up at the schools their kids go to. Oh some of his budget plan has been revealed -- it would see him -- as president --borrow two trillion dollars. How did he pull all this off?

ODDBALL: Earthquake Television and a naked bird.

Stephanopoulos & McCain: As we reported yesterday, ABC's George Stephanopoulos defended the questions in Wednesday's debate... Saying all they did was throw at Democrats what the Right eventually will. In our third story tonight: Sunday, Mr. Stephanopoulos will interview John McCain... raising the question, is he now obligated to throw at McCain, what the Left eventually will? Of course, some on the left forswear such partisan side issues... an aide to then-Governor Clinton claiming during the 19-92 campaign, that Americans care about more important things.

Worsties...see below

WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD: Newt Gingrich, Bill-O and China vie for tonight's top honors.

Bulgarian Idol:  For many people, there was no real point to "American Idol" until William Hung came along... Oh-So-Many years ago. And he has still not met his match. But in our number one story on the Countdown, Hung's spiritual sister has now been found in a land far, far away. Bulgaria.

Philly Phallout:  Wow.  And to think I got grief after the debate I hosted because I asked Obama about Barry Bonds! Our fifth story on the Countdown: Senator Obama this afternoon brushing off -- literally brushing off -- what he called "the rollout of the Republican campaign against" him... that came not from the G-O-P but from ABC News. Senator Clinton's campaign calling the debate "game-changing." For context, the last time they debated in Philadelphia, last October, Senator Clinton's people complained about the questioning and dubbed it "The Politics of Pile-On" and it was Senator Obama saying "it doesn't make sense... that suddenly, she backs off and says, "Don't pick on me."

Masters of Debate: On Talking Points Memo dot-com tonight, ABC's George Stephanopoulos defends the questions he and Charles Gibson asked last night, calling them, quote, "relevant and appropriate." But in our fourth story tonight, during the debate itself, Stephanopoulos defended his questions by saying to Barrock Obama, quote, "If you get the nomination, you'll have to beat back these distractions."

ODDBALL: The fattest goldfish of all time, and blowing up balloons with your nose

Saber Prattling: During last night's roughly one-dozen questions about how much taxes upper-income Americans might have to pay on earnings or capital gains, there were numerous followups about specific income levels and corresponding tax rates. In our number-three story tonight, whatever it says about last night's debate, there was not one single follow-up, no request for clarification, when Senator Clinton said that, as president, she wants to promise that, if other countries start fighting in the Middle East... the U-S will get involved.

Worsties...see below

WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD: Newt Gingrich, Dick Morris and Shepard Smith vie for tonight's top honors.

Validation at Last:   It was Senator Jim Webb, after the passage of the Kyl-Lieberman Amendment last year insisting President Bush designate the Iranian Revolutionary Guard a "terrorist organization," that this was "Dick Cheney's fondest pipe dream." But it was Stephen Colbert who retorted, "Well that is completely unfair, everyone knows that Cheney's pipe dream is driving a bulldozer into the New York Times while drinking crude oil out of Keith Olbermann's skull." Our number one story on the Countdown: until last night, I thought that was simply a valentine from my friend Colbert. It had never actually dawned on me before that anybody in the White House had ever heard my name mentioned -- except maybe on SportsCenter. Thus now, behold... I am validated.

Bitter Than Ever:  If this is the price Senator Barack Obama has to pay for his remarks about guns and religion and bitterness... He may want to go on a... guns and religion and bitterness tour. Our fifth story on the Countdown: the latest measures of the aftermath, if not necessarily the straight-line results from, those remarks:  No change in the polls in Pennsylvania. He's ahead in the polls in Indiana. And two prominent Clinton supporters have held out apparent olive branches.

Bitter Know a Country: Despite disagreeing with Senator Obama that some Americans are bitter... Senator Clinton argues that she, too... will bring change to America. Change, of course, the solution whenever people are not content, or happy. The opposite of "content" and "happy," the Roget thesoraus tells us... "bitter." In our fourth story tonight, lost in the debate over the impact of Obama's claim... the debate over the truth of it.

ODDBALL: A lost Bach composition and a new addition to the mugshot hall of fame (thanks to mugshotdujour.com)

Biden's Battleground: Typically, this far into the primaries, the remaining Democratic candidate goes after the Republican. But these primaries have been anything but typical and so it is today, that in our third story tonight, a Democrat is going after the Republican candidate... but the Democrat is one who did not become his party's nominee.

Worsties...see below

WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD: Bill-O, Jeff Hunt and Cindy McCain vie for tonight's top honors.

Titanic Mistake: It may seem counter-intuitive, but all the tragedies we recall, contain an element of romanticism. A thousand people -- most of them young kids -- died aboard a ship called the General Slocum when it caught fire, yards from shore, on the East River, in New York City, in 1904. It was irredeemably horrible. Nobody made three movies about the General Slocum. In our number one story: part of the indelible appeal of the saga of Titanic, which sank 96 years ago, early on the morning of April 15th 1912, is that it has the aura to it of gallantry and drama and the ever-present symbol of unseen calamity... Ice-bergs. OK... what happens to all that if Titanic sank less from the iceberg... and more... from cheap rivets.

Guns & Bitter: As even the network newscasts, for a third consecutive day, embraced the supposed controversy over Senator Obama's "bitter" remarks...Our fifth story on the Countdown: the bracing slap of a wet blanket, felt all the way from the Jefferson-Jackson Dinner in Philadelphia tonight. If Obama's the nominee, the politician was asked, do you think he's un-electable.  "No," he replied. "I believe he has a real good chance to carry Pennsylvania, I just believe that Sen. Clinton would carry it far more easily."  Are the "bitter" remarks going to decide the primary there? "I think it'll cost a couple of points at the margin, but it's not a sea change. Who knows, by the time November rolls around, I think this comment will be long forgotten."  All of that said tonight by... Pennsylvania Governor Ed Rendell... who, if not Senator Clinton's strongest supporter this primary season, has certainly been her loudest.  His remarks tonight perhaps signalling that even the Clinton campaign is giving up trying to turn the Obama comments into a forest fire.

 Breaking news at this hour... Senators Clinton and McCain tonight attacking Senator Obama after the revelation of remarks he made about quote "these small towns in Pennsylvania" and how they include some voters who are quote, "bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to those who aren't like them..."

Nixon Redux: For seven years, Nixon veterans in the Bush administration have sought to avenge Nixon, to transcend the parameters of presidential power to which he aspired... Nixon even after his fall telling an interviewer... "when the president does it, that means that it is not illegal." Tonight, in our fourth story... Congress fights back.

ODDBALL: A cow that drinks its own milk, a chicken breaks up a rabbit fight and a cat that enjoys to box along with a boxing match. 

Shady Character: When President Bush looked into the eyes of former K-G-B official and current Russian autocrat Vladimir Putin... Mr. Bush declared that he got a sense of Putin's soul. What, however, does he or anyone see... when they stare into the eyes of Vice President Dick Cheney? Nietzsche once wrote, "If you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you." But in our third story tonight, a new official White House photo seems to show that when you gaze into the abyss of Cheney's eyes, you see... naked chicks.

Worsties...see below.

WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD: John McCain, the Vice President and Bill-O vie for tonight's top honors.

Idol Politics:  Our democracy has not yet eroded to the point where the three remaining presidential candidates will be sent to the stage of "American Idol"...  Where they will make a final plea to the American public (or God forbid, sing)... to see which one is voted off. Although, give it a couple more months, and it'll look like a good idea. But in our number one story on the Countdown, the three candidates did make pitches for charity on "Idol"... with one of them trolling for laughs.. Meantime... the three that most "Idol" savants care about -- 'The Bottom Three' -- included a shocker.

Under Iraq:  After five years and one month, President George Bush today finally made clear, his plan for our troops in Iraq. His is the discount department store of presidencies. Buy your wholesale low, mark it up to ridiculous levels of profit. Then one night, silently increase every price in the store by one third. Later, drop those prices by a lesser amount... And then... dramatically and proudly scream from the rooftops... that you are holding... a "25-percent-off sale." Our fifth story on the Countdown: last year he escalated the war in Iraq, today he announced there would be no de-escalation beyond July, yet somehow stood there with a straight face and lied about how he was "withdrawing" troops.

:  After the flaming bag of speech laid once again at the doorstep of the American people today by President Bush...  It is a wonder the Democratic presidential candidates did not stop what they were doing to write full-throated rebuttals, tailored to the President's litany of absurdities and lies. In our fourth story on the Countdown, the Democratic contenders did react, but mostly moved through the daily business of their own battle.

ODDBALL: More Bears, Lone Ducklings and A questionable use of firefighter video...all ahead.

Team Torture?: What if the step-by-step and case-by-case details of the torture of detainees were discussed... At the highest levels of government... in the White House. It might prove to be the core... to unraveling an entire administration's policy on torture. It might even, one day, find its way into a trial of war criminals. In our third story on the Countdown... such meetings were regular occurrences in the Bush White House.

Worsties...see below.

WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD: Elton John, Mitch McConnell and Pat Robertson

Rasslin' Referendum:  In November of 1998 the one time A-W-A World Tag Team Wrestling champion Jesse 'the Body' Ventura escaped the confines of the squared circle and got into politics... Shocking the world with his election as Governor in Minnesota, leaving after one term and then doing a hit T-V show on this net... work.I'm sorry, that was supposed to read "and then doing one t-v show on this network."Anyway... in our number one story, what if the Ventura model were reversed... and the world of politics sullied the pristine realm of professional wrestling?

Yeah, But...:  Weeks ago the Democratic Presidential Race became the Yeah-But Campaign. Obama ahead -- Yeah, but... what about Florida and Michigan. Clinton staves off elimination in Texas -- Yeah, but... Obama actually won more delegates. Today -- in our fifth story on the Countdown -- each candidacy now escalating the Yeah-Butness. One study looking at the Clinton belief that the caucuses have unfairly favored Obama; the scholars saying: yeah, but... if those caucuses had been primaries Obama's lead would be nearly double what it is now. And one Clinton surrogate looking at Obama's apparently-successful self-distancing from Jeremiah Wright and writing in a national newspaper -- yeah, but... we're going to keep asking questions.

War More Years:  With the conclusion of Petraeus-Crocker "Waiting Until Last September Worked So Well, You Should Now Wait Until Next September" -- hearings...  It's on to the dramatic, sacrifice-emphasizing speech from the President tomorrow. His 48th attempt to convince you to just sit there -- slightly re-phrased from attempt number forty-seven. But in our fourth story on the Countdown... is it just me or is this year's fake debate about something that's already been decided, just not resonating, with supporters or opponents alike?

ODDBALL: A bicycle with a 40 foot guitar on it, and a schooner made entirely from popsicle sticks.

"100 Years" War:  Just as President Bush became a uniter, not a divider, perversely, by uniting America against his presidency, so, too has John McCain tonight achieved the unlikely goal of uniting Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. In our third story tonight, despite howls of GOP protest, Senator Clinton has now joined Senator Obama in asserting, yes, Senator McCain really did say he's okay with America staying in Iraq for 100 years.

Worsties...see below.

WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD:  Illinois Democratic State Representative Monique Davis, Ari Fleischer and Joe Lieberman vie for tonight's top honors.

U-C-L-Pay:  In another one of what must be very satisfying but ultimately disastrous bits of snark... Mouthpieces for Senator Clinton have lately begun to jokingly ask if journalists who are not avidly, incoherently, and delusionally supporting their candidate, should be quote "getting checks from the Obama campaign." Very droll. Except, with Senator Clinton's organization in the middle of its recent credit crisis, the remark has been quickly one-upped with the return volley that the real question is whether anybody is 'getting checks' from the Clinton campaign. Our number one story on the Countdown: all humor starts with a portion of truth. This humor's portion is now one hundred percent... A bill-collector may be engaged by a California university which says it should be... getting checks from the Clinton campaign.

Reality on the Ground:  The Bush Administration spent 2007 escalating the American troop presence in Iraq and laying the groundwork for an open ended occupation, all the while insisting it would "reevaluate" come September... a reevaluation that concluded: Stay The Course. The wool was so easily pulled over the eyes of much of the country, that today at a Senate hearing, the first half-General/half-Politician in this nation's history, David Petraeus, did it again... right down to symbolically using an identical calendar, only with "2007" crossed off, and "2008" written in, in crayon. Our fifth story on the Countdown: after the last Surge withdrawals in July, Petraeus says, add 45 days, and then the military will re-evaluate Iraq. July plus 45 days equals... September. Again.

Heads of Statements:  With both Democratic candidates getting a chance at General Petraeus... and the national media... today... hopes were high for a winning soundbite. And they got it... from John McCain. We'll get to the Democrats, but in our fourth story tonight, the fifth time Senator McCain has messed up Sunni and Shi'a either explicitly, or in reference to A-Q-I, al Qaeda in Iraq.

ODDBALL: Another catwalk catastrophe, a ship made of popsicle sticks and David Vitter has a bad day.

General Election Race:  Though he had done so repeatedly on radio, Senator John McCain insisted he had no idea that one of the people preceding him to a stage at one of his rallies in Cincinnati on the 26th of February would ever possibly refer to the Junior Senator from Illinois, at the McCain rally, as "Barack Hussein Obama." Tonight, in our third story on the Countdown, the McCain campaign has something else racial to deny.

Worsties...see below:

WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD:   Democratic Illinois State Representative Monique Davis, Billo and Ann Coulter vie for tonight's top honors.

The Littlest Idol:   A hard drinking joker of a fratboy.. The sordid life of a son of privilege...  An obsession with baseball. Our number one story: wait -- the baseball obsession is a bad thing, how, exactly? A script for Oliver Stone's film version of the life of President George Walker Bush, is loosed upon society... And Stone may treat him a lot less gently than he treated Richard Nixon.

War of Words of War:  On Saturday, Mark Penn had the singular experience of being fired... by an entire country: Colombia, to be specific. Yesterday he was fired again... this time by the woman who wants to run an entire country: Senator Hillary Clinton, to be specific. The Senator reportedly furious with Penn for taking her checks as her chief strategist... at the same time he had a 300-thousand-dollar contract with Colombia to push the very same free-trade deal... that she opposes. Today, however, in our fifth story on the Countdown... Mark Penn is back at work. Not for Colombia, but for... Senator Clinton.

Delegate Imbalance:  The emerging myth-buster about all those superdelegates in the Democratic nomination... has to do with possibility versus reality. What they could do... is give Senator Hillary Clinton their support, despite Senator Barack Obama's leed in pledged delegates. But what they have been doing, since February Fifth, Super Tuesday... is throwing their support to Senator Obama. And in our fourth story on the Countdown, add one more to his column.

ODDBALL: A bear playing hockey and the Flugtag in Sydney.

McCainus Interruptus:  If timing is not everything, then juxtaposition certainly is. "There is no doubt about the basic reality in Iraq," the man said today, "We are no longer staring into the abyss of defeat, and we can now look ahead to the genuine prospect of success." That's what Senator John McCain hoped to persuade the American People to believe as his address to the Veterans of Foreign Wars in Kansas City, Missouri, was carried on national television this morning. But in our third story on the Countdown -- the real "basic reality in Iraq" was illustrated far more eloquently by what actually happened barely two minutes after McCain got up to speak.

Fearless Forecast:  The baseball season is now nine days old so if I'm going to put my predictions on record, I damn well better do it now. Our number two story on the Countdown: this will only take a minute and 48 seconds and then we'll get to Worst-Persons.
 
WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD:  Former Under Secretary of State Douglas Feith, Glenn Beck and Billo vie for tonight's top honors.

Funny Politics:   When the essence of your Presidential campaign -- when the fact of it -- becomes a punch-line, that campaign may have already "jumped the shark" -- or it may, in fact, have already ended. Remember Mike Huckabee's appearance as the "Guest Who Wouldn't Leave" on Saturday Night Live -- 11 days before he finally called it quits. Our number one story on the Countdown... Governor Huckabee -- meet Senator Clinton. Saturday Night, on Saturday Night Live.

Rachel Maddow in for Keith Tonight

Four McMore Years?: This is Friday, April 4th... 214 Days until the 2008 Presidential Election... and 40 years to the day since the Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King, Junior, died from a sniper's bullet in Memphis, Tennessee. The presidential candidates addressed the meaning of that event today. We'll see how, in a moment, but in our number-five story tonight, late this afternoon, Bill and Hillary Clinton released information about their post-presidential taxes, from 2000 through last year. The headline?

N.I.E. or LIE:  The surge in Iraq is working - progress is being made. Those are the kind of non-specific, generic white-house-approved impressions, that the administration is allowing to leak to reporters... about the new national intelligence estimate on Iraq. So why - in our fourth story on the Countdown - is the Administration now refusing to release the actual findings, of the latest n.i.e? Especially as they released the last two N.I.E's.  And especially as the latest one, at least from the preliminary leaks, appears to support what General David Petraeus and Ambassador Ryan Crocker want the American people to believe when they testify to Congress next week.

ODDBALL: A bear with a stick and guns for vasectomies.

Send in the Clowns:  As the democratic presidential contest starts to look like TRENCH WARFARE… slogging on… to the benefit apparently of NEITHER candidate…  as the republican candidate wraps up his biographical think-of-me-when-you-think-of-war tour… sometimes it feels like someone's purposely trying to sap the fun out of what ought to be a rollicking good political time right now.  In our third story on the countdown, the candidates remember we're actually supposed to like them - they try to inject some humor back into the race.

Tabby Time: Big felonious supermodel news today... Naomi Campbell is once again a free woman... in our number two story on the Countdown, Keeping Tabs. Her latest run-in with the law, involved baggage... literally.

Death of Habeas Corpus:  That's right. The Bush administration decided barely a month after 9/11 - that our constitutionally protected right against illegal search and seizure - was pretty much irrelevant now that they'd declared a "War on Terror". That's just the beginning of what this Administration has nipped out of the constitution in the past eight years as part of it's Executive power grab. Our number one story tonight - the *final installment* of the five year Countdown anniversary celebration - voted most popular by web poll -  Keith Olbermann's autopsy on the great writ, of Habeas Corpus.

Backers Backing: When they came forward publicly and said we support her, we will cast our votes for her as Democratic Party superdelegates, Senator Hillary Clinton vocally let their views be known and explained why their views should hold sway. But tonight, new comments from these two superdelegates - most likely not welcomed by the Clinton campaign - are not to be found in the headlines of their press releases. The gist? We're behind you all the way. And this offer may be withdrawn at any time.

Supporting the Troops: Half the U.S. Senators, Democrats and Republicans alike, have already endorsed "The New GI Bill". But the White House opposes it. So John McCain, naturally, is avoiding it.

ODDBALL: A singer who keeps his mouth shut and the creature that spawned a "What the crap is this?" response.

Tortured Reasoning: The President's wartime authority trumps U.S. laws on torture. Torture is only torture if it results in death or near-death. There's a new paper trail documenting the Bush Administration's impetus to torture. And just who provided it. And just which Kiefer Sutherland character, helped inspire it.

Worst Person in the World: Representative Darrel Issa versus Rupert Murdoch versus Glenn Beck.

Happy Anniversary: Were you there when our special guest was famed San Diego anchorman Ron Burgundy? Were you watching when our special guest fell over backwards in her chair? How about the night we all signed Billo's petition to get our own show cancelled? Five years of Countdown - distilled into five minutes.